new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
