Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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