If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
