i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's shark week go big or go home
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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