I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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