Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
