ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
