The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
