I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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