I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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