i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
