Can i not drive my cunt home
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
