3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
