i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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