He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
