omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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