i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
