I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
