just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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