Have you finally orgasmed yet?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
