Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Liz is crying about burritos again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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