Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
