Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
