I CAN MOONWALK!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
