i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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