I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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