i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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