I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
