My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
