can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
