farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
