my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
