that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
