Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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