I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
