i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
