she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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