we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
