What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
