maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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