He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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