How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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