Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
