She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
