Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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