i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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