mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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