I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
