Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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