I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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