There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
