Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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