I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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