there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
