nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
