I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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