Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
